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In an attempt to provide kids with a more rounded education that will prepare them better for life out of school, year 7 pupils will be given lessons on exactly where meat comes from in a series of hard-hitting classes.

After first going to a local petting zoo and picking a number of piglets, they will be allowed to raise them over a number of years in a specially built pen.

During their time at the school, they will learn the intricacies of animal husbandry as they raise the pigs and look after their welfare.

Then, in the last lesson before they leave the school, the pigs will be slaughtered and butchered into prime cuts of meat ready to be served at the school prom.

Mike Littisore, our agriculture correspondent, received the following statement from the school:

“It is our intention to ensure children know all about life, even if it’s hard to take, and that includes where our meat comes from.

We ran a short quiz with our year 7 pupils and answers to the question “where do sausages come from” ranged from ‘Lidl’ to ‘some old smelly guy dad meets in the pub’. When we explained that they were actually pig meat, many of them broke down in tears. One child was inconsolable, sobbing and screaming ‘OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED PEPPA PIG!!!’ so we knew we had to do something.”

Apparently, the lessons will not hold back, a teacher we spoke to said, “when the pigs are ready, we will lock the doors and literally slaughter them in front of their faces. It’s really a reflection on the harsh realities of life where something you come to love can be so brutally taken away, you know, like that bitch Karen who took my Alan. It’s just like life really, kids ought to learn that life’s shit and men will simply dump you when a better model comes along with all their mini skirts and lipstick. Bloody whores.”

At this point, Mike made his excuses and left.

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