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News has reached Kinver Not Info that the Peaky Blinders have decided to take over the Con Club and put an end to their tyranny and bullying of the village.

Mike Littisore, our economics and gang warfare correspondent met with Thomas Shelby to find out what prompted them to take action.

Thomas said, “We’ve been watching the club for some time, and we’ve noticed that their influence on the village is growing unabated, and it’s about time somebody knocked them down a peg or two, and the Peaky Blinders are just the people to do it.”

Residents have been annoyed about the club’s actions ever since the car park had barriers fitted, and many have seen the constant application of rules and regulations, not to mention the increase in beer prices as a clear indication that the club sees itself as beyond the law and protectionist rather than a vital hub of the community.

Mike caught up with Arthur Shelby, Tommy’s brother, to get his view on the planned action, he said, “Nobody messes with the Peaky f*****g Blinders, and these b******s are getting too big for their boots and when we see that happen, we take them down a peg or two, y’know, it’s what we do, because we’re the Peaky f*****g Blinders, it’s what we do. Before you know it they’ll be on our patch, and we ain’t having that.”

Asked how they plan to take over, Arthur replied, “We’ll do it f*****g properly at the AGM, we won’t hurt nobody, we’re a legitimate business, my brother Michael knows all about legitimate business.”

He then winked and swigged his whiskey before walking out.

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