Woman who moved to Cookley “regrets going and wants to return to Kinver”
A young woman who moved to Cookley after being told how great it is, has realised the error of her ways and has asked to move back into Kinver, although many are opposed her returning. She is now pregnant and living in a small house just down from the Eagle and Spur,...
“Special Place in Hell” identified as Kinver High Street
Since Donald Tusk announced that there was a "special place in hell" set aside for Brexiters who didn't have a plan, the search has been on to find where that could be, and it appears Kinver High Street has the honour. In particular, the area just by the pinch point...
Recording of parish meeting shows a love of the Romany People and their heritage
A recording of a parish council meeting has recently made its way to the Kinver Not Info offices which shows that the local Parish Council absolutely loves people of all races and creed.
Group who campaigned against garage extension “couldn’t give a toss about 100 homes on White Hill”
A local group who managed to get 600 objections to someone's planned garage extension have said they don't give a flying fig about the fact over 100 homes are planned for White Hill. When Arthur Scroggins planned to make his garage a little bit bigger, a local group...
Poorly placed A-board causes Chinese moon rover to swerve
Mission nearly aborted over fish & chip sign A poorly positioned A-board advertising a village fish and chip shop nearly caused China to cancel their mission to map the dark side of the moon, risking an international incident. A spokesman for the Chinese Space...
Trump uses South Staffordshire bins as cost effective Mexican border wall
It has emerged today that having seen how effective South Staffordshire waste bin placements have been at stopping pedestrians and wheelchair users walk along Kinver High Street, President Trump has order over five million of the bins for his new Mexican border wall....
Outrage as every house in Kinver broken into, carrots and mince pies stolen
Kinver residents have urged Councillor Victoria Wilson to take action as every single house in Kinver was broken into on Christmas Eve between the hours of 11 pm and 1 am. People have reported missing mince pies, half empty glasses of port and whisky and half-eaten...
Outrage as drones over Kinver Edge closes dogging area for 24 hours
Kinver Edge car park has been closed to doggers after drones were spotted hovering over the area famous for steamy windows and creaking suspension. Closing the area, the National Trust said they had a duty to preserve the privacy and safety of people who regularly...
Drakelow tunnels to house Parish Council and store emergency supplies in event of hard Brexit
Kinver Parish Council has announced that, in the event of a no-deal Brexit, emergency supplies will be stored in Drakelow tunnels, and a section will be converted into housing and offices to ensure the village can continue to operate. All Parish Councillors and staff...
Kinver Schools’ nativity to feature Middle-Eastern immigrant couple fleeing tyranny and seeking free lodgings and medical help
In an attempt to help children understand the problems many people suffer in the world, Kinver Schools have altered their nativity plays to emphasise the plight of many who find themselves in a war-torn country having to struggle to survive. The hard-hitting versions...
Christmas to be renamed “Kinterval” by Kinver Parish Council to avoid offence
Kinver Parish Council have today announced that all celebrations in Kinver should be referred to as "Kinterval" to avoid any awkward problems with people who don't celebrate Christmas. A spokesperson for the council said; "We need to move on, and in these more...
Photo of Kinver dog poo sells for £86,000 at Sotheby’s
A photo of some dog poo hanging in a plastic bag has been sold at Sotheby's for £86,000. The photographer, Arthur Gutheridge of Dark Lane, said he was walking through the woods on Kinver Edge, and he had a shot of inspiration, he said; "As I was walking, I saw the bag...
Kinver to be renamed “Kinver Services” under Western Orbital Motorway plans
Kinver has had many names over the centuries, and a new one is about to be written into the history books when the entire village is renamed "Kinver Services" in a new deal with the developers of the Western Orbital Motorway. In a first for Britain, new rules that...
Councillors approve huge new design for Burgesses development
Residents were up in arms today when it was revealed that the new Burgesses development, recently approved by district councillors, was actually going to be based on the design of the famous Gherkin building in London. Rumours were rife around the village when Ken...
Kinver to Twin with Wakanda in event of no deal Brexit
It has been revealed that Kinver Twinning association is currently in negotiations with the city of Wakanda in Africa to forge new links should Brexit talks fail. These talks are taking place as new documents released by the government have indicated that existing...
Kinver High to raise, slaughter and butcher pigs in new “life lessons” class
In an attempt to provide kids with a more rounded education that will prepare them better for life out of school, year 7 pupils will be given lessons on exactly where meat comes from in a series of hard-hitting classes. After first going to a local petting zoo and...
Kinver High Uniform Logo “Must be embroidered with gold thread” insists school
In a move sure to enrage already angry parents, Kinver High School have doubled down on its ruling that all school trousers and skirts include the KHS logo, and also stipulated that they must be embroidered with 18 carat gold thread. The new ruling comes as parents...
Outrage as Hyde Lane Speed Sign Gives Drivers The Bird
A new speed sign, recently erected on Hyde Lane as you enter the village, has been annoying visitors with flashing speed limits and smiley faces as they approach. However, one resident was left in shock when the sign began to "flip her the bird". Anita Beejay was...
Gavin Williamson Is Just a Massive Tool – Report Finds
A new report out today has confirmed what we all believed, that Gavin Williamson is a massive tool and a huge embarrassment to the government, his constituents and anyone who voted for him. From having spiders on his desk in order to 'scare' people, to threatening to...
Con Club to be taken over by the Peaky Blinders
News has reached Kinver Not Info that the Peaky Blinders have decided to take over the Con Club and put an end to their tyranny and bullying of the village. Mike Littisore, our economics and gang warfare correspondent met with Thomas Shelby to find out what prompted...
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