Kinver Edge tree felling reveals ancient giant cock in hillside
A geophysical study of Kinver Edge carried out after hundreds of trees had been cleared has shown that a huge ancient cock was once cut into the sandstone in a prominent position visible for miles around. Archaeologists have been looking into this huge cock to...
Gavin Williamson Lobbies National Trust – Now All Trees To Be Removed
The proposed removal of 100 acres of trees from Blakeshall Common in order to return the area to heathland has caused a lot of consternation amongst people with horses and dogs who hate snakes. After many angry tweets and Facebook posts, the group opposing the tree...
Williamson Banned From Con Club For Leaking WiFi Password
The Constitutional Club of Kinver has today announced that Gavin Williamson, ex-defence secretary and fireplace salesman, has been barred from the club for leaking the WiFi password to non members. A representative of the club said; "When people join the club, we...
Remote Amazon tribe starts fundraiser to save Kinver Edge trees
After word of the National Trust's plans to cut down trees on Kinver Edge was spread on the Internet, the remote TI Hi-Merimã tribe, who have had their fair share of wood felling to deal with, decided to chip in and help. Tribe leaders have been in touch with...
National Trust to napalm 100 Acres of Kinver Edge
Secret files have shown that the National Trust intends to use a quick and easy method of removing over 100 acres of trees from Kinver Edge. Consultants Kilgore & Co. have proposed that five Apache Gunships can be launched from a secret hanger in Drakelow Tunnels,...
Rational and good natured conversation occurs on KinverOnline: consensus achieved
A conversation today happened on KinverOnline that used rational arguments, science and logic to discuss plans to the National Trust owned Edge escarpment, and it resulted in some great ideas. Presented in a logical fashion, using the best available information and...
Scientists agree: Kinver is a dangerous dystopian nightmare
Kinver has been identified in a recent study by the University Of Leipzig as one of the most dangerous places to live in the Northern Hemisphere. The surprising results of a five year project led by Psycochiropodist Dr Karlos Spurter, found that Kinver was potentially...
Fears BOBO challenge is forcing Kinver dads to drink Batham’s
A new and shocking Internet game is causing havoc in Kinver and organisations have been quick to warn people to watch for signs in case it affects them. It's been reported that a message is appearing on Whatsapp, apparently from a friend, that asks the recipient to...
Woman who moved to Cookley “regrets going and wants to return to Kinver”
A young woman who moved to Cookley after being told how great it is, has realised the error of her ways and has asked to move back into Kinver, although many are opposed her returning. She is now pregnant and living in a small house just down from the Eagle and Spur,...
“Special Place in Hell” identified as Kinver High Street
Since Donald Tusk announced that there was a "special place in hell" set aside for Brexiters who didn't have a plan, the search has been on to find where that could be, and it appears Kinver High Street has the honour. In particular, the area just by the pinch point...
Recording of parish meeting shows a love of the Romany People and their heritage
A recording of a parish council meeting has recently made its way to the Kinver Not Info offices which shows that the local Parish Council absolutely loves people of all races and creed.
Group who campaigned against garage extension “couldn’t give a toss about 100 homes on White Hill”
A local group who managed to get 600 objections to someone's planned garage extension have said they don't give a flying fig about the fact over 100 homes are planned for White Hill. When Arthur Scroggins planned to make his garage a little bit bigger, a local group...
Poorly placed A-board causes Chinese moon rover to swerve
Mission nearly aborted over fish & chip sign A poorly positioned A-board advertising a village fish and chip shop nearly caused China to cancel their mission to map the dark side of the moon, risking an international incident. A spokesman for the Chinese Space...
Trump uses South Staffordshire bins as cost effective Mexican border wall
It has emerged today that having seen how effective South Staffordshire waste bin placements have been at stopping pedestrians and wheelchair users walk along Kinver High Street, President Trump has order over five million of the bins for his new Mexican border wall....
Outrage as every house in Kinver broken into, carrots and mince pies stolen
Kinver residents have urged Councillor Victoria Wilson to take action as every single house in Kinver was broken into on Christmas Eve between the hours of 11 pm and 1 am. People have reported missing mince pies, half empty glasses of port and whisky and half-eaten...
Outrage as drones over Kinver Edge closes dogging area for 24 hours
Kinver Edge car park has been closed to doggers after drones were spotted hovering over the area famous for steamy windows and creaking suspension. Closing the area, the National Trust said they had a duty to preserve the privacy and safety of people who regularly...
Drakelow tunnels to house Parish Council and store emergency supplies in event of hard Brexit
Kinver Parish Council has announced that, in the event of a no-deal Brexit, emergency supplies will be stored in Drakelow tunnels, and a section will be converted into housing and offices to ensure the village can continue to operate. All Parish Councillors and staff...
Kinver Schools’ nativity to feature Middle-Eastern immigrant couple fleeing tyranny and seeking free lodgings and medical help
In an attempt to help children understand the problems many people suffer in the world, Kinver Schools have altered their nativity plays to emphasise the plight of many who find themselves in a war-torn country having to struggle to survive. The hard-hitting versions...
Christmas to be renamed “Kinterval” by Kinver Parish Council to avoid offence
Kinver Parish Council have today announced that all celebrations in Kinver should be referred to as "Kinterval" to avoid any awkward problems with people who don't celebrate Christmas. A spokesperson for the council said; "We need to move on, and in these more...
Photo of Kinver dog poo sells for £86,000 at Sotheby’s
A photo of some dog poo hanging in a plastic bag has been sold at Sotheby's for £86,000. The photographer, Arthur Gutheridge of Dark Lane, said he was walking through the woods on Kinver Edge, and he had a shot of inspiration, he said; "As I was walking, I saw the bag...
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